A promising PhD candidate was presenting his thesis at his final examination. He proceeded with a derivation and ended up with something like:
F = -MA
He was embarrassed, his supervising professor was embarrassed, and the rest of the committee was embarrassed. The student coughed nervously and said "I seem to have made a slight error back there somewhere."
One of the mathematicians on the committee replied dryly, "Either that or an odd number of them!"
My favorite among physicist jokes is a small bit of grafitti:
"Heisenberg was maybe here"
How many theoretical quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
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.
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.
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One. One to turn the bulb, one to hold the ladder, and one to renormalize the wave function.
A physics professor, his post-doc, and one of his grad students are walking across campus on their way to lunch, when they stuble over an odd metal object half-buried in the ground. Pulling it out and dusting it off, they find it's on oil lamp, and a genie appears.
"For releasing me, I will give you each one wish," the genie says.
The grad student speaks up first: "You know what?," he says, "Screw this physics stuff. I want to be on a tropical beach with a drink in my hand and a beautiful woman at my side." And *poof*, he's gone.
The post-doc speaks next and says, "You know, I've decided I really don't want to be in this field anymore, and this guy's a slave driver-- I wish I had a post-doc in biophysics, at Major Research U." And *poof*, he's gone.
The professor looks at the genie, and says, "Those two better be back in the lab at 1:15."
Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there?
Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an
anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt already heard. After some observations and rough calculations the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing. A few minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself happily as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper. This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humour from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny.
There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool. This is obviously impossible.
-- Richard Davisson
A grad student is walking to campus when he encounters a talking frog, who says, "please sir, I'm really a beautiful princess. If you kiss me I will become human again and be forever grateful."
The student puts the frog in his pocket and walks on. Soon he hears muffled shouts from his pocket and pulls out the frog.
Quoth the frog: "Didn't you hear me? I'm really a beautiful princess. If you kiss me, I will love you forever and you will be wealthy beyond your dreams!"
The grad student puts the frog back into his pocket, only to once again hear the muffled screams.
"Look, man," the frog screamed, "what will it take to convince you that I'm telling the truth?"
The student replied, "I believe you, but I'm a grad student. I don't have time for a girlfriend...but a talking frog is cool!"
Two fermions walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, "So, what'll it be."
The first one says, "I'll have a gin and tonic."
The second one replies, "Dammit, that's what I wanted!"
